Delicious Nothings

We Salute You, Mr. Talks on the Cell Phone in the Bathroom Man

“Oh Hi.  Welcome.  Why don’t you take a seat.  No, no.  I’m good.  You? That’s great.  I suppose you’re wondering why I asked you here.  Well…we need to talk.   No, nothing serious…well at least not life-threatening.  But, well, you have a problem and I wanted to talk to you before it got worse.  Basically, well, …STOP TALKING ON THE CELL PHONE IN THE FREAKIN’ BATHROOM!”

Ok, I’m serious, when did it become socially acceptable to talk on the phone while in the bathroom?  I get it, cell phones are useful and by design, portable.  But really, is something so important that you have to take the conversation into the bathroom?  No, I really can’t think of something so important that it can’t wait until you’ve done your thing and exited the restroom.

Now let’s examine the MANY things that are wrong with cell phones in the restroom:

1)  Bathrooms echo.  Did you realize this? This means that every single word you say is heard by everyone else, in stereo.

2)  I don’t really care what you and your girlfriend are doing tonight or that you’ve closed that business deal.  Really.  It’s your business. Not mine.  I don’t want to hear it.

3)  Did I mention that bathrooms echo?

4)  Other people USE your phone.  Yep, I’m guessing somebody else at some point uses your phone.  Would you give them your used toilet paper?  Nope, didn’t think so.  Don’t give them you nasty bathroom phone.

5)  And I’m looking out for you here, Mr. Uses the cell phone in the restroom while talking loudly man, the likelihood of you dropping your cell phone in the toilet increases exponentially if you’re using it.  Really.  You could lose it…or have to fish it out of the toilet…which may be a fate worse than death.

So please, do the world a favor and end the conversation before you enter.  Don’t worry, you can call them back when you’re done.  I’m sure they’ll wait.

Oh, and I’m warning you now, if I’m in the bathroom and I hear you on the phone, I will make EVERY effort to flush the toilet every 10 seconds or so so as to alert the person you’re talking to that you don’t respect them enough to keep the conversation out of the restroom!

“What’s that…you see the error of your ways and will never do that again.  Great!  I’m so glad we’ve had this talk.”